As Melani Bruce walks into the VMMC (Veterans Museum and Memorial Center) office, her happy and outgoing attitude is felt thought the museum. Hard working and always on the move, she loves to help others and socialize with the people who come into the museum to try and host there events there. Standing tall and Caucasian, her playful attitude reflects her willing to help others but at the same time get the job done. Coming from being the class president in senior year, to going to Spain on an immersion trip and ending up as a receptionist in the museum, Melani has worked hard to climb up the latter in the museum, taking over the job of the events director she has worked hard to get what she wants. Being in charge of managing the many different events that are hosted there, ranging from military ceremonies to weeding and much more, using her experience from being a privet contractor for the Mexican Tourism board, to working at an airport baggage claim, and over coming her back injuries from working at the baggage claim, she has become a tough fighter and isn’t afraid to go for what she wants. I was given the opportunity of being her intern and learning about the big world of public relations. In the first days of my internship I was assigned to shadow her through the day and see what it took to close the deal and have people host there events at the museum.
Part of being in a small staff is doing different jobs and all at the same time. From answering phones to planning events Melani is awesome at multitasking and also doing it efficiently.
I like your opening a lot. I can get a clear image of what she looks like, happily entering the office. I did notice though that the description of her sort of ended there. Try adding in more action words about her mannerisms and looks, give us more of a visual. Also, I like that you mentioned what it is that she does but try going a bit more in-depth. When you mean she is in charge of events, does that mean that she is supervising and making sure that nobody is breaking anything, or is she the one that's actually making phone calls and setting up decorations?
ReplyDeleteI think you are really starting off on the right foot and I like what you have so far, just elaborate.
I like your revisions. I'm glad that you mentioned "that she's always on the move" that gives you a good visual. I think that mentioning her experiences in high school and her trip to Spain are good things to mention, but try connecting it to your point a bit more. Why does it matter that she went to Spain? Why did she go to Spain? Otherwise I think you are definitely on the right track.
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